At a Glance

Last week, a friend and I were playing a game. We were out having dinner and observing couples around us and guessing what their stories were. First date? Friends? Lifetime partners? For as much as I could tell, we weren’t necessarily good at this game but that didn’t stop us from trying.

Couple by the Window

My friend described the girl as a typical Marina Girl. Young, attractive, big boobs readily displayed with a low neckline. Her date was attractive too. Well-dressed by Portland standards, typical by San Fran’s. Their conversation seemed strained. She sat back in her chair. He was not enchanting as demonstrated by her bored look. With as slowly as everything was going at that table, I had thought they were near done with their meal especially when she put her jacket on (yes, concealing the boobage – much to the dismay of my friend). I was wrong; they had only finished their appetizers. It pained me to watch them.

Analysis: First date. First date gone wrong. Or first date after drunken first meeting where both were way more charming when sauced and yet not so much when sober.

Couple Down the Aisle

It’s going much better for these two. Another Marina Girl and another good looking guy. Seems taller than the other guy or it could just be his presence. He definitely has more confidence and spark radiating off of him which is definitely paying off. The girl is playing with her hair, laughing with a tipped back head and an open mouth (Freud would have a field day), playfully slapping his hand across the table and at one point I swear I saw her completely dip her hair forward and whip her head back so her hair flipped over like a Breck girl.

Analysis: Second or third date. Didn’t matter. They were going home together.

A Gentlemenly Couple

These two were definitely comfortable with each other. Flirtations were not necessary. They were as at ease with each other while conversing as they were while silently enjoying their meals. They were past the courting stage and on to more substantive things. Then my friend noticed the shared bottle of wine.

Analysis: Long-term and committed

Couple Walking In

Pair walks in. Pair sits down. Pair barely looks at each other. Pair definitely is not having any conversation except for a few monosyllabic exchanges. They might as well be grunting. Pair looks over menu. Waiter comes over. Pair is all smiles when the waiter is there. Pair stops smiling when the waiter leaves. Pair starts checking their cell phones, still not talking to each other, but are fully amused by whatever is going on on their respective phones. Food finally comes and they start eating. They hardly put their silverware down as if they’re eating as fast as they can so they can get out of there and away from each other. The loudest noise coming from that table is of them chewing. I feel bad for the server. I’m surprised he can walk through all the tension that’s surrounding that table. Guy is wearing band on wedding ring finger. Girl is not.

Analysis: So beyond done, it’s ridiculous. Why are they even trying to eat together? My guess is that they were/are married. Guy still wants to try. Girl is so done. She’s probably already seeing someone else. Maybe there’s property at stake so she’s still holding out legally.

or

Alternative Analysis: It’s two friends who do not travel well together and likely will never travel together again.

— Ballyhoo Backcaster