Every Saint Has a Past and Every Sinner Has a Future.

Should I be concerned that the last guy I picked up and took home is a convicted felon? Of course at the time, I didn’t know. My adventurous ways might not have been so adventurous had I heard his story from the get go. Although I can’t be too sure of that either as the boy was smokin’ hot. And I mean smokin’. His arms were so sculpted, I couldn’t help myself from falling into them. And it’s been a while since I’ve been kissed like that so my ability to slowly graduate to each level of increased intimacy is a bit rusty…just a bit. But now that I know about where he’s been the last six years (oh yeah, that would be jail) are there really red flags that need to be raised?

He told me his story, albeit hesitantly at the get go. I can’t really blame him about that though. He knew he wanted to, he just wasn’t sure how I would react. I’m impressed that he actually thought this out as much as he did and felt it important enough to tell me this early on, as though he was setting some stage for some continued contact. I’ve met guys who wouldn’t tell me their last name until several dates in.

I had made us dinner for a simple night in. We’d been playing phone tag for a couple of weeks now. I wasn’t fixated. I was content with the one night stand, although, of course when the sex is that good one can’t help but want a little more of it or even a lot more of it. But it was what it was and whatever else was just a bonus. Or so I thought.

In the middle of our meal, as he’s bringing his fork back and forth from the plate to his mouth he started out by saying, “There’s something I want to tell you.” Nothing good ever comes with that pre-qualifying statement. “But before you judge me, will you promise to not kick me out until I finish dinner? I’d really like to finish dinner.” Even less good can come from that kind of statement.

“So, I lost my job this week.” Okay, I’m thinking. Not so bad so far. “They had been paying me under the table but needed to let some people go.” Okay, so still not a big deal. “I lost my job because they found out that I was in jail and am currently on probation.” There it is.

Of course my obvious question, “Umm…so why did you go to jail? Did you beat the shit out of someone?” (Again, did I mention his rip-ass, smokin’ hot arms?) “No, I was 21 and was at a party. This girl was all over me so we went out to the back porch and were having sex when her boyfriend caught us. She ended up telling him later that I raped her. She wasn’t going to press charges but her father is some sort of city councilman who had all these connections and pushed her to do it. I don’t even know how it all happened. I had two witnesses for me and she had two for her. I was offered a lighter sentence if I pleaded guilty to something but I was young with an ego, didn’t want “sex offender” on my record and didn’t do it so I thought I’d be cleared…so I declined it. Then whatever, whatever happened and next thing you know, I’m convicted of second degree rape, which carries a mandatory sentencing of six years.”

Wow. That’s a doozey. Surely wasn’t expecting that.

Before I could say anything but hadn’t kicked him out like he thought I might, he asked, “So, are you going to ask about sex in jail? It’s actually not as bad as people think. There are enough guys in there willing to give it up that it’s not like the movies, unless there’s some sort of power trip going on. All I did was work out and read. I’ve read more books than a person probably should in his lifetime.” Since I’m an avid reader, I asked (sort of tested) what he’s read and he mentioned some of my favorites and explained enough about their plots that I knew he wasn’t lying. When I first met him, I thought he was dumb as a doornail and while I don’t think he’s in line to be a Nobel Laureate any time soon, the reading thing was getting me a little hot for him again. Hey, a girl likes what a girl likes.

So the end of his story is that he was up for probation again and they wanted him to admit to his crime. When he wouldn’t, they agreed on letting him take a polygraph test. He assured me it’s not like TV or the movies where they ask you six or seven questions and you’re done. “The test is hundreds of questions long where they ask you everything about anything. I had to answer them about the history of my sex life, my childhood, my everything. I figured, what the hell? I just have to lay it out there. I’ve already been in here for 5-1/2 years, I didn’t do it, what do I have to lose? So, we went through the test and the very last question was, “Did you rape her?” I said I didn’t. The test administrator looked to the panel members in the room and concluded that I was out and out telling the truth. But of course they didn’t believe him even though he’s a professional who’s been administrating this test for years, so they had me take it again. At the end of the last question, before he announced his conclusion, he asked me if I wanted to do it again because they weren’t going to believe him. So I did the test three times, after which the polygrapher conclusively told the officers “there is no deception” and I passed the test(s). Within a week, I was released from jail.”

Again, wow. All I was expecting tonight was a simple dinner and perhaps some more great sex. I wasn’t expecting that I’d have to question my own morality and my judgment of trust. But I’m feeling awfully calm about the whole thing. Thing is I do trust him. His transparency and forthright behavior made that pretty easy. And while I’m not a polygrapher with years of work experience and we didn’t play question and answer to hundreds of questions, I also believe there is no deception here. So no red flags today. I’m going to revel in that.

—Hook Line & Sinker