Everything I’ve Been Looking For

I can’t believe I’ve found him. I didn’t think it was possible. It’s been so long since I’ve felt this way that I didn’t think it was ever going to happen again. He seemed to show up out of nowhere and he captivated me from the first moment I heard him speak. But of course I kept guarded. Too much happened the last time I believed things would work out…the last time I trusted the universe to do me right..and it didn’t. I couldn’t let that kind of disappointment happen to me again. I wouldn’t let it happen again.

So what is it about him that gives me hope? That makes me excited? That makes me believe that it will be different this time?

It starts with his charm, his mesmerizing prose and his intoxicating energy, even though I know better than to base my feelings on those traits. But the more I get to know him, the more I see that he is different. There are no games, no bullshit. He always answers my questions with as much specificity as he can, even when he knows they are possibly not the answers I want to hear. He speaks to me like I have a brain. He doesn’t try to displace my attention by focusing on the weakness of others, by throwing out flippant remarks to elicit cheap laughter or by talking about things that don’t matter to me. He actually relies on my wit, my intelligence and my ability to discern what’s important from what’s not. He respects me enough to tell me his truths and offers me the space to have my own opinions about them.

I never get the feeling he’s pursued me to feed his own ego, to mask his own failures or to just pass the time. Rather, he makes me feel that, together, we have a chance to do some pretty amazing things and that he’s committed to me and to the process to really make them happen. I see his potential and you know how much I love potential.

He has integrity. He has poise. He has worked for everything he has. No trust funds… no legacies that paved his way…no feelings of entitlement. He’s achieved his goals through discipline, through hard work and through dreaming big. And even though I don’t believe he has all of the answers today, I believe we have what it takes to create them. All of these things give me the audacity to hope for what I’ve been wanting for a long, long time. The future finally looks bright.

But of course I still have worries ~because I will always have worries. I worry that his ideology is going to get stuck in reality. And all the things that make me excited today won’t really work in our real day-to-day. But because he’s different…because he makes me feel different…I’m ready to go along for the ride. I don’t know how it will turn out and there’s no doubt that it will be hard work. But I’m in. I’m all in. I know he is too and we can make it work.

Yes, we can.

— Ballyhoo Backcaster