I Don’t Heart Chick Flicks

The Position

I am reminded of how much chick flicks annoy me. I think they are a key reason why so many people continue to have unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships. They magnify the theory that for women, finding love is the end-all, be-all of life; that regardless of what else she has going on for her, her life is only complete when she finds that soul mate.

By the many I’ve watched, I believe they perpetuate the following ideas:

• The utmost happiest moments of our lives are when we get a boyfriend, get engaged and get married
• When the relationship seems like it’s over, the boy realizes he’s made the mistake and comes back around and there’s no question that she’ll take him back
• Love is the only thing you need for a relationship to work
• Girls are cute when they’re crying their guts out
• Boy and girl always end up together

These are the current-day equivalents to fairy tales. Now, I wouldn’t read Cinderella or Snow White to my niece unless I told her my own version, which included Princesses who became Queens based on their own accomplishments and Princes who earnestly accepted help from Princesses as much as they offered it. From the time she was in her car seat 17 years ago, I never wanted her to believe that some Prince Charming was going to save her nor have that be the ultimate thing she wanted. So in good conscience, I cannot find value in those damn frilly little stories and therefore believe they should be banned!

The Affected

I believe many women have fallen victim to these ideas because I am constantly surrounded by those who are infected, I mean affected. On a weekly basis, I find myself in conversations with such women and they can’t go five minutes without asking me who I’m dating. Why can’t they ask me where I’ve traveled or if I’ve been following the primaries? Or what I’m reading? (Granted, it could only be about the first 40 pages of a book…but whatever.) Since I’m not married, are they asking because they think I care about “achieving” nothing else? Or are they asking because they don’t have a fucking good opinion on anything else? The problem with that last question is that I know better. Intelligent and conversational women ask me that damn question all the time and it pisses me off because I know we can do better than that.

Then there are the settlers. No, not the pioneers who headed west but the ones who are in a relationship because that’s how their time lines were scheduled. I don’t know who scheduled these time lines but someone did and dammit, they were going to be followed! These women are the ones who often complain about their lives and their husbands/boyfriends, and reminisce about how fun they were when they were single, although they preface every conversation with, “Now, don’t get me wrong…I love my life.” Who are they trying to convince? Me or themselves? In all honesty, I don’t really give a shit. It feels as if these women believe that something, even if unsatisfactory, is better than nothing. These are the same ones who love to tell me it’s my fault for not being in a relationship because I’m too picky. I still don’t know what the hell that means.

A Systemic Poison

Something has created these personas and I think chick flicks are a valid candidate as the root. The problem is not a fad and it’s not limited to a select few; it runs deep and it affects many. It not only affects the people who abide by it but it affects those of us who try to rally against it and it will continue to shape the mindsets of and create disillusionment in our sisters, nieces and daughters if we don’t find a way to stop it. It’s what causes the annoying questions in lieu of mind-expanding conversations, the friends who disappear as soon as they get into a relationship…only to reappear when it ends, the strife of Valentine’s Day, early-aged marriages followed by disappointing divorces when that happily ever after is not found, and the Lifetime movie channel. We can eliminate these society-deadening things if we start banning chick flicks.

Okay, fine…

It’s not the end of the world and things may not be as dramatic as all that. And everything I’ve discussed here could easily be the result of many things in addition to chick flicks…but they certainly don’t help the problem. I still strongly believe that these chick flicks takeaways are more rare than realistic. I know for certain I look like shit when I’m crying my guts out and as for the rest…well, let’s just say my experiences would easily debunk them all and I’m really tired of being reminded of how much that hurts.

— Ballyhoo Backcaster