I love shoes. There are so many wonderful ones out there and so little time to wear them all. While I’ve had my share of pedi-candy in the past and definitely enjoy my share now…by no means do I believe I have ever reached a level of obscenity in my shoe obsession. I personally think I’ve only owned a very modest collection. My hope though, is that I can work it out so I’ll actually be able to have any pair of shoes I want, exactly when I want them, and get to a point where it may be thought that I owned a disgusting amount of just too many…

Jimmeny crickets, I’m a strong woman. I own everything I have. I’ve earned everything I own. I also know how to be jaded. And bitter. If you haven’t gotten to see that first hand, you’re missing out on a good show. So how is it that I can still get all giddy…and giggly…and all that shit because of a boy? And a young one at that! It’s much like the time I encountered the cute little bag boy at the Safeway, the one who couldn’t have been more than 16 but who had swagg-ar. Swagger that had him check me out all up and down with no apology, stare me…

Reconnected with my first boyfriend on Facebook recently. This is after we had stopped being friends about a dozen years ago. Hold up. Erase that. This is after I decided he no longer deserved to have me in his life because he took our friendship for granted. About a year ago or so I thought of him. Not because I missed him or felt like I was missing something; it was way more narcissistic than that. It is me we’re talking about here. I thought of him because I wondered where my life was going and how much I had or hadn’t changed/grown/evolved over the last 25 years and he…

I just asked a man the question, “If you had three wishes, what would they be?” His response was: (1) “Peace for the rest of my life” – Okay, vague answer but fine if you’re just responding with the first thing that comes to mind. (2) “Peace in the world” – Okay, generic answer but fine if you’re running for Miss America. And number (3) “My coffee made for me every morning with the paper brought to me.” Excuse me? Yeah, you are going to need a genie for that shit. Or your dog better know how to work a french press. Yes, I know it’s a simple request; one…

Can’t do that. If you don’t know the drill, that doesn’t happen here. Okay then, so you at least want to know if it rhymes with a male body part? No, it doesn’t…but it does rhyme with an illegal substance. Have any guesses? Reed? Jack? Scott? Rextasy was guess. How about Meroine? Then there was my favorite…Locaine. If you wanna hang out you’ve got to take her out; Locaine. If you wanna get down, down on the ground; Locaine. She don’t lie, she don’t lie, she don’t lie; Locaine. (BTW, it was correct in my phone. Hoorah!) — Ballyhoo Backcaster