What Would the Nielsens’ Say?

Luke and Laura. Bruce and Maddie. Kevin and Winnie. Sam and Diane. Ross and Rachel. Buffy and Angel. Carrie and Big. Burt and Ernie. Meridith and McDreamy. Jim and Pam. Sawyer and Kate.

What makes us want these TV duos to get together/stay together/get back together more so than we often want anything for ourselves? What is it about them that makes us tune in week after week hoping we will finally catch the moment where the sun, the moon and sweeps-week all align so these pairs become the couples we want them to be? Okay, okay…so these feelings are spoon-fed to us by the legions of writers who carefully craft each character’s back story to make us believe their unions are fated. It’s the scripts filled with romantic nuances and electric chemistry designed to build hope in each of us, making us want these couples to see what we’ve seen between commercial breaks all season long and finally get together. All in all, it’s how they turn these fictional characters into our family and friends…so that we become vested in their Hollywood happiness.

So here’s a question. Would a TV audience root for you?

What’s your relationship story? How is it scripted? Is there a person in your life who gets the highest ratings from your viewership? Is that the relationship you’re in today? Does your relationship make others giddy? Does it inspire? Does the idea of your coupledom elevate you and everyone around you? Is there audible despair when murder mysteries, uptight psychiatrists from Seattle, adulterous spouses and issues from island living get in the way of your happily ever after? Is there a universal hope that this relationship persevere and survive all that happens, even if these things all happened while you were on a break? Does your fan base talk about you around the water cooler with a breathlessness about how they believe you two just need to be together? Do they see the reasons why you’re good together? Do they feel the chemistry? Do they want it for you almost even more than you want it for yourself?

Now of course you’ll say it doesn’t matter. Your relationship is yours and yours alone, or at least between you and your partner anyway, and it only matters what the two of you believe…right? Then again, we can pretty much make ourselves believe most anything especially when there’s sex and lust involved, and even more powerful than that…the need to be coupled. So where does the truth lie?

In the ratings and reviews of course.

Alright, start sending in the hate mail but think about it. When we can’t see something ourselves, the next best way to see what’s going on is to catch a reflection…and the clearest reflections come from our friends’ eyes. They are our TV audience, our fan base. They know us. They feel the chemistry. They know our histories. They know what makes us tick. They know because they are a part of what makes us tick. They contribute to the script as much as they view it. They are vested. They are the best ones to rate and review.

So, do they root for you?

— Ballyhoo Backcaster