Availability?

So as I get ready to join my urban sisters to observe another chapter in the Sex and the City saga, I’m reflective of availability as it pertains to relationships. I’ve been recently re-viewing the old episodes of the sitcom and just watched the episode where Carrie starts to feel that Aidan is “too available” to her. Hmmmm?? This sounds vaguely familiar…. Are we more drawn to those we sense are unavailable either emotionally or physically? Do we need the challenge to make the relationship worthwhile?

In discussions with friends about this issue, its definitely not something that is unusual. We all have our “Mr. Big’s”, someone with whom we’ve felt a strong connection and just can’t let go of our wishful thinking that they will return to our life somehow, someway… Then there are those that we become their “Mr./ Ms. Big’s”. Our unavailability makes us more attractive. Why does it seem that there never seems to be an equality in desire, at least past the initial infatuation? I’m sure it must happen, look at all the couples walking around after all.

Does it come down to the feeling that maybe I don’t deserve to have someone want me so much? That I need the approval of someone whose approval I know deep down I’ll never be able to get? I’m sure at this point you could start doing some pyscho-analysis and begin to ask questions about my relationship with my father, etc. and maybe there’s some truth in that. But, I’d like to think that its just a learning process and that eventually you find that person with whom you have a mutual attraction and you’re both available at the same time. And then of course, there is always that hope that at the end Mr. Big will show up, confess his love for me and tell me how he can’t live another moment of his life without me.

I guess we’ll find out in a few hours what the ending is going to be….and as for me, I’ll try my best to let things happen as they are meant to happen. Because in the end, the people I truly need to be available are always there for me…and I’m there for them.

— Troller