Superficial? Me? Never.
Some of these choices I have to make are forcing me to make some tough decisions…a hard thing for an indecisive Libra. Having to create these hard lines in the sand with the end goal of drawing out the perfect mate is really taxing me.
Anyway, back to the questionnaire. I need to be honest. This is a process of getting exactly what I want as opposed to settling for what’s around me.
Yeah, honestly…I don’t want a smoker. I do want someone with a certain level of education. I want someone who makes a certain amount of money…not so they can spend it on me, but so I don’t have to limit what I want to do because they can’t afford to do it.
Do I want to date a Chinese boy? Honestly…not really. How big of a bitch does that make me though? I just don’t find most of them cute. Of course my friends are but so many of the others are not. The round faces. The 5’8″ stocky bodies. The white tennis shoes with light-washed Levis. The thick black hair that has no movement and sticks straight up when cut short. And when gelled just clumps together so the head looks like a porcupine with spikes scattered about the now exposed scalp. Shit, I’m so going to get struck by lightening. Or more likely, by excluding them, I’ll miss out on the one perfectly lean, hot, 6 foot, metro, Chinese boy with an advanced degree and speaks Chinese fluently (in addition to two other languages), who doesn’t have WCSC (Worshipped Chinese Son Complex) or an overbearing mother. But then he’ll still probably only like white girls and even if he doesn’t, my chances of having cute kids is higher with someone who’s not Chinese. Hmm…decisions. I’ll leave that check box unmarked for now.
And how bad is it that a person’s appearance is turning out to be so very important to me…much more than I even realized? I mean, my longest relationships have been with boys who I wasn’t initially attracted to. But 2 of them were with people who were my best friends for a couple of years prior to us dating. And there are definitely boys who I initially found to be attractive who are completely disgusting to me today because of their character. And though I’m not a super model, I can’t help but want someone I’m attracted to…okay, who am I kidding…I want hot. Is that so wrong? I’m already going to hell so will it be that much worse down there for me if I’m honest about what I want now?
Perhaps I shouldn’t be filling this out while I’m PMS-ing.
— Ballyhoo Backcaster