Where Are the Showers Again?

I am filthy. I have not showered in four days. I have not shaved in four days. I have not washed my hair in four days. My cleansing ritual has consisted of baby wipes and Baths in a Bag, which essentially are deluxe baby wipes. Though I currently have no choice, my confidence in the phrase “Kills 99.9% of Germs” is really waning, especially when I’ve been using porta-potties all week.
Granted, I’ve been quite pleased with the relative pleasantness of the porta-potties considering all the usage they’ve been getting. They get pumped out 2-3 times a day and are cleaner than many highway reststops I’ve been in. The only time they’re questionable is at night when toilet paper seems to be absent. One of the best sounds to wake up to is the sound of the pumping truck doing its service rounds.

Oh wait, I lied. Cassy and I did spend a late afternoon taking a Shampoo in a Bag, which in essence are these shower caps with no-rinse shampoo and conditioner in them. That was a mistake. Those were designed for people who are bed-ridden, a condition which does not allow activity and come to think of it, not that much contact with dirt. They were not designed for playa dust, the mother of all dirt…well, the alpha sister at least. Soot might actually be the mother of all dirt.

Anyway, lesson learned – my hair is way too long and thick for these shower caps. How do I know that? Well, when I use one, massage it through for 10 minutes, take it off, then feel large sections of my hair still dry…I take that as my first clue. On top of that, when I go four days without a shower, through multiple dust storms – I’ve learned my hair acts as fly paper for dirt. Then when I use a Shampoo in a Bag, it exacerbates the situation by putting product in my hair, which in turn makes my hair more adhesive. I kid you not, dreads are starting to form. Everyone has said, “Dreads don’t form within a week.” Apparently, they don’t know that my hair is much like me…a passive over-achiever. Even after brushing it, it’s clumping into long, inch-wide strands that seem to have a life of their own…almost Medusa-esque. However, I do have to say that it doesn’t look so bad. Hmmh..imagine that. I just wish it didn’t feel so bad.

Then there’s the dirt under my nails, in the folds of my hands…even the thin ones. Again…baby wipes just aren’t a substitute for a sink with running water. Oh man…I sooo want to wash my hands in a sink right now. Nothing would make me happier. I promise I will never take a sink for granted again. I’m going to go home and polish mine up so she sparkles. She will never be abused or overlooked. I won’t let toothpaste crust up in her basin. I won’t rinse hair down the drain to clog her pipes. Nothing but first class treatment from now on. As for the shower…I may just marry it.